Naughty News for March 2018 - by Ericca M.
Man Arrested After He Is Caught Riding Gym’s Stationary Bike Buttnaked
A tenant at a Florida apartment complex is facing criminal charges and eviction after being caught using every machine in the community gym while completely naked, according to police reports.
Police were called to the Andover Place Apartments in Orlando on January 31st after a leasing agent spotted 57-year-old Kerry Haynes working out buckey ball naked. The agent quickly contacted a maintenance man to report what she had seen.
The maintenance worker then went to the gym and saw Haynes using the stationary bicycle, dick and balls a-swinging. When the employee asked what he was doing, Haynes replied, “I’m working out.”
When the worker told him that the police had been called, Haynes left the gym. Afterwards, a landscaper spotted Haynes laying in the grass stroking his member near the pond.
The responding officer also observed Haynes as he pleasured himself near the pond. After handcuffing him, the cop accompanied the suspect to his apartment, where a pile of Haynes’s clothing lay on the living room floor.
Haynes was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and exposure of sexual organs. Haynes is being held in the Orange County jail until a $700 bond is posted.
Following the disturbing event, the owners of the Andover Place complex filed an eviction lawsuit against Haynes.
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Taco Bell Worker Arrested For Assault With a Burrito
On January 31st, Police arrested a Taco Bell employee accused of assaulting his manager with a “hot
burrito” because he was pissed about having to work the morning shift at the South Carolina restaurant.
Christopher Dalton, 28, was arrested around 10:30 AM and booked into the county jail on assault and battery and malicious damage charges.
Spartanburg police were called to Taco Bell after Dalton got into a confrontation with his manager, Patricia Keeley. According to the police report, Dalton was reportedly upset about his work schedule and was getting into verbal disputes with other coworkers.
Keeley told police that Dalton threw a hot burrito at her after she insisted that he stop being a “cry-baby.“ The melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg. The burrito Dalton threw also made a mess of the entire kitchen as well, getting cheese over all the appliances according to Keeley.
Before he stormed out of the Taco Bell, Dalton removed his headset and broke it on his knee, then threw it on the ground which caused it to break into several pieces.
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Florida Man Arrested After Fried Chicken Assault
During an argument with his girlfriend, a Florida Man allegedly threw a piece of fried chicken at her. The piece of chicken struck her in the face and resulted in his arrest for domestic battery.
Juwan Brown, 23, was arrested on the evening of January 22 after a verbal dispute with his live-in girlfriend turned violent in the couple’s St. Petersburg home.
After Brown stepped on the woman’s foot, he threw a piece of chicken at the victim, striking her in the left side of her face and glasses, according to police reports.
Brown was arrested by a sheriff’s deputy and booked into the county jail. Free on $5000 bond, Brown has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.
Court records show that Brown was arrested in 2015 for striking the same woman while she was pregnant. Before pleading no contest to a battery charge, Brown violated the terms of his pre-trial release by calling and visiting the victim’s residence, despite a no contact order being in place. Last year, Brown entered a no contest plea for failing to attend counseling sessions and pay fines that were ordered by a judge in the battery case.
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Man Arrested After Raising Hell Over Barbecue Sauce
“I’ll go to fucking jail over some barbecue sauce!”
That is what 43-year-old Willie Edward Drake during a bitch fit last week inside a Waffle House in Georgia after an employee told him that the restaurant did not offer his favorite barbecue sauce.
According to a Bibb County Sheriff’s Office report, Drake sat down at the Macon Waffle House counter on the morning of January 23rd and ordered food. Afterwards, Drake asked for some barbecue sauce.
The Waffle House, however, does not stock barbecue sauce. This revelation allegedly sent Drake flying off the handle. He began screaming obscenities and insulting Waffle House employees. According to police reports, Drake’s strange behavior made the employees and customers afraid for their safety.
Officers responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at the Waffle House described Drake as “uncooperative and disorderly.” Drake was eventually placed under arrest for disorderly conduct, which is a misdemeanor.
Drake, who gave his address as a hotel near the Waffle House, spent several days in the county jail before being released on $390 bond. He was scheduled for a March 1st appearance in Municipal Court.
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D.A.R.E. to Be Different
Jeffrey Elton Schmiege, 48, a methamphetamine trafficker who was wearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt when arrested by Michigan narcotics agents was sentenced February 13th to a minimum of 15 years in prison.
Schmiege was arrested last year following a raid at his residence that yielded “large quantities of crystal meth, prescription medication, marijuana, a firearm, and ammunition,” according to the local narcotics task force.
Schmiege recently pleaded guilty to multiple felony narcotics counts. Investigators discovered that he was the leader of a ring that brought meth from Minnesota into Gogebic County in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.
Schmiege has a very long rap sheet that includes nine felony and six misdemeanor arrests.
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Man Attacks Roommate Over Stale Cap’n Crunch
An Alabama has been accused of beating his roommate after he discovered that the victim had failed to properly seal a box of Cap’n Crunch cereal, which resulted in stale cereal.
Duane Barry Smith, 52, was arrested February 2nd for domestic violence following the confrontation with the man with whom he shares a residence in Moundville
According to a statement that the victim gave police, he said that Smith became upset upon discovering the stale cereal and blamed him for not keeping the Cap’n Crunch fresh. Smith was especially pissed off since he is missing teeth and had a great amount of difficulty consuming the stale cereal.
Smith also demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience for himself how hard it was to consume the Cap’n Crunch. When the man refused to do so, Smith allegedly began beating the victim with an electrical cord.
Smith’s roommate suffered injuries to his face, hand, and arm. An employee at the Hale County jail declined to say whether Smith was in custody or had bonded out on the misdemeanor charge.
Police were called to the Andover Place Apartments in Orlando on January 31st after a leasing agent spotted 57-year-old Kerry Haynes working out buckey ball naked. The agent quickly contacted a maintenance man to report what she had seen.
The maintenance worker then went to the gym and saw Haynes using the stationary bicycle, dick and balls a-swinging. When the employee asked what he was doing, Haynes replied, “I’m working out.”
When the worker told him that the police had been called, Haynes left the gym. Afterwards, a landscaper spotted Haynes laying in the grass stroking his member near the pond.
The responding officer also observed Haynes as he pleasured himself near the pond. After handcuffing him, the cop accompanied the suspect to his apartment, where a pile of Haynes’s clothing lay on the living room floor.
Haynes was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and exposure of sexual organs. Haynes is being held in the Orange County jail until a $700 bond is posted.
Following the disturbing event, the owners of the Andover Place complex filed an eviction lawsuit against Haynes.
______________________________________________
Taco Bell Worker Arrested For Assault With a Burrito
On January 31st, Police arrested a Taco Bell employee accused of assaulting his manager with a “hot
Christopher Dalton, 28, was arrested around 10:30 AM and booked into the county jail on assault and battery and malicious damage charges.
Spartanburg police were called to Taco Bell after Dalton got into a confrontation with his manager, Patricia Keeley. According to the police report, Dalton was reportedly upset about his work schedule and was getting into verbal disputes with other coworkers.
Keeley told police that Dalton threw a hot burrito at her after she insisted that he stop being a “cry-baby.“ The melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg. The burrito Dalton threw also made a mess of the entire kitchen as well, getting cheese over all the appliances according to Keeley.
Before he stormed out of the Taco Bell, Dalton removed his headset and broke it on his knee, then threw it on the ground which caused it to break into several pieces.
______________________________________________
Florida Man Arrested After Fried Chicken Assault
Juwan Brown, 23, was arrested on the evening of January 22 after a verbal dispute with his live-in girlfriend turned violent in the couple’s St. Petersburg home.
After Brown stepped on the woman’s foot, he threw a piece of chicken at the victim, striking her in the left side of her face and glasses, according to police reports.
Brown was arrested by a sheriff’s deputy and booked into the county jail. Free on $5000 bond, Brown has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.
Court records show that Brown was arrested in 2015 for striking the same woman while she was pregnant. Before pleading no contest to a battery charge, Brown violated the terms of his pre-trial release by calling and visiting the victim’s residence, despite a no contact order being in place. Last year, Brown entered a no contest plea for failing to attend counseling sessions and pay fines that were ordered by a judge in the battery case.
______________________________________________
Man Arrested After Raising Hell Over Barbecue Sauce
“I’ll go to fucking jail over some barbecue sauce!”
That is what 43-year-old Willie Edward Drake during a bitch fit last week inside a Waffle House in Georgia after an employee told him that the restaurant did not offer his favorite barbecue sauce.According to a Bibb County Sheriff’s Office report, Drake sat down at the Macon Waffle House counter on the morning of January 23rd and ordered food. Afterwards, Drake asked for some barbecue sauce.
The Waffle House, however, does not stock barbecue sauce. This revelation allegedly sent Drake flying off the handle. He began screaming obscenities and insulting Waffle House employees. According to police reports, Drake’s strange behavior made the employees and customers afraid for their safety.
Officers responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at the Waffle House described Drake as “uncooperative and disorderly.” Drake was eventually placed under arrest for disorderly conduct, which is a misdemeanor.
Drake, who gave his address as a hotel near the Waffle House, spent several days in the county jail before being released on $390 bond. He was scheduled for a March 1st appearance in Municipal Court.
________________________________________________
D.A.R.E. to Be Different
Schmiege was arrested last year following a raid at his residence that yielded “large quantities of crystal meth, prescription medication, marijuana, a firearm, and ammunition,” according to the local narcotics task force.
Schmiege recently pleaded guilty to multiple felony narcotics counts. Investigators discovered that he was the leader of a ring that brought meth from Minnesota into Gogebic County in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.
Schmiege has a very long rap sheet that includes nine felony and six misdemeanor arrests.
_________________________________________________
Man Attacks Roommate Over Stale Cap’n Crunch
Duane Barry Smith, 52, was arrested February 2nd for domestic violence following the confrontation with the man with whom he shares a residence in Moundville
According to a statement that the victim gave police, he said that Smith became upset upon discovering the stale cereal and blamed him for not keeping the Cap’n Crunch fresh. Smith was especially pissed off since he is missing teeth and had a great amount of difficulty consuming the stale cereal.
Smith also demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience for himself how hard it was to consume the Cap’n Crunch. When the man refused to do so, Smith allegedly began beating the victim with an electrical cord.
Smith’s roommate suffered injuries to his face, hand, and arm. An employee at the Hale County jail declined to say whether Smith was in custody or had bonded out on the misdemeanor charge.
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