Dear Miz Mayhem - December 2018 - by Miz Mayhem

GOT QUESTIONS ABOUT BDSM, FETISHES & OR KINKS? MIZ MAYHEM’S GOT THE ANSWERS!

Miz Mayhem knows that BDSM can be perhaps, overwhelming or a sensory max overload, when we first hop on board that new train. There are so many fetishes and kinks to discover! So many new things to explore! New people. New friends. New! New New! We’re like kids in a classroom! There are so many questions that you may have. While the internet is a wealth of information, THIS is the place to ask them! We were ALL once new and we will never stop having curiosities, never stop having questions. No matter what your interests are, no matter how long you’ve been living your kink, there will always be something to learn.

While there are many avenues to be curious about, its always the safest and best practice to do your own research, as well. Seek your BDSM/Kink education thru available resources, so that you hold the power and capability to enhance your own journey into this wonderful thing we call the Lifestyle! Your BDSM is what YOU make it!

If you have questions, Miz Mayhem wants to assist you! With many years in the Metro Detroit community, she has valuable experiences and knowledge throughout many spectrums of the BDSM realm. Attending local and national events, continually learning and exploring new things, meeting and networking with other Kinksters, has been endless opportunities to gain the extensive knowledge she is willing to share, relevant advice to offer and a strong desire to mentor anyone who wants to learn. As always, her primary focus is creating a sense of community thru fostering goodwill, in efforts to support growth and sustainment. Please send your questions about BDSM, Kink or the Adult Lifestyle, directly to Miz Mayhem, here at Friction Magazine via email, to be considered for next month’s exciting new issue! Mizmayhem.frictionmagazine@gmail.com.

Dear Miz Mayhem,

Where do you get the toys and paddles and stuff for BDSM? My wife doesn’t like to go to the adult stores.

-No Paddles in Mt. Pleasant MI


Dear No Paddles,

There are many ways to fill your toy bag with fun things, like paddles, scarves, cuffs, floggers and the like! If adult stores aren’t your thing, do not distress. If you attend Kink/ Fetish events that have vendors present, this is a fun and  way to acquire new toys, as well as great opportunities to learn how they are made, what they are used for, how they are used and importantly, how they are cared for and stored If you would rather, check out various online shopping sites to find what you really like within your interests and desires. Google is always a friend, here. Be sure to check out the consumer ratings on products you’re not sure about, so you can make the most informed choices in buying your new toys. One of my favorites that like to tell people to check out is, DomsLeather(.com). Not only do they sell a variety of custom leather bondage gear for every price point, their leather goods are made right here, in Michigan! Happy kinky toy shopping!


~M.M.

Dear Miz Mayhem,

I enjoy dressing in women’s clothing and wearing wigs and make up. I more than enjoy it. I love to go out in public dressed as a woman!I am good at my hair, makeup and clothing selections. I have finessed my “She” over the years, privately. It’s not fun doing it solo, so I have tried to get past girlfriends to enjoy it with me but it seems to be, unfortunately, a turn off to them or like they are just putting up with it or some have gotten jealous because I get attention they don’t ,while we’ve been out. Is this a “normal” fetish or kink? Am I wrong for liking this?

-Sydney in Stilettos, Ann Arbor, MI


Dear Sydney,

Oh, honey…you are perfect just the way you are! Don’t you dare roll those eyes at me!  ;)
Yes, Sydney, this cross dressing thing is “normal” for kinky peeps, like us. There is no “wrong” about you for having, exploring and maintaining your “She”. You may be surprised at how common it actually is! Rock your feminine persona fabulously, like you have been and live your life being true to YOU , baby! If this makes you happy and you feel good, do it! I can tell you’re having a blast with it! Huzzah! If you want to maximize your enjoyment with your cross dressing or take it to a different level, I can recommend seeking out groups online that are centered around cross dressing and hopefully local to your area. (Use Google, it wants to help you!) You will be able to connect with like minded people who are looking to meet other people who share this exact same interest! It’s a win-win! An upside to groups such as this, is that you can share information. If you’re already proficient at your art, perhaps offer hair and make up advice, clothing and style tips and even more to others who may need assistance or other support?  Spread that goodwill around, girl! If you’re still feeling alone, keep in mind that Miz Mayhem, herself, is also a cross dresser! I am actively exploring and experimenting with my own Drag King persona and I love it! It’s interesting, fun and empowering to gender bend and for me, its a bonus to crimp people’s brains! Best of luck in those stilettos, girl!

~M.M.


Dear Miz Mayhem,

I’m kinda confused with some of the terms out there. Transgender is pretty common in the media as of late, but what is the difference between a transgender, transsexual and a cross dresser? I always thought they were the kinda same thing?

-I.F.  Grand Rapids, MI

Dear I.F.,

With search engines like our friend, Google, I appreciate that you have brought your question here. We’ve seen it in the recent mainstream exposure…Transgender. T people faced with T issues. For those people who arent T, the teminology can be confusing, so here is the rub…

*A transgender person is an individual who’s identifying gender does not correspond to the sex assigned to them at birth. People who identify as agender, bigender, genderfluid and pangender are considered to be Transgender.

*Transsexual- An outdated term, used to describe transgender people who have or desire to, use medical proceedures, such as hormones or surgery to transition permanently from the birth assigned gender to the one they identify as.

*Crossdresser- A person who behaves, acts and dreses in the style of the opposing gender to which they were assigned at birth. Drag Queens and Kings have thier history based on CD. This is now a more common phrase, as the term transvestite has fallen unfavorably out of common vernacular, due to transvestism originally viewed as a medical disorder.

What do you call a trans person? Their name!!! Don’t be transphobic, kids…it’s not fashionable. If you aren’t sure how to address someone, open your mouth and use your polite words to ask. The more you know.

~M.M.

Dear Miz Mayhem,

I have been to a few BDSM parties and have experienced some amazing things. I’ve have a biweekly play date with a partner that is highly enjoyable. I like to have at least a half an hour to 45 minute play scenes, when I play. I swear I could go longer., tho. At a recent event,  I heard someone mention the phrase “short sceneing”. When I asked what that meant, they said it was a way to have more play in at events. How long is a typical scene for you? What exactly is “short scening” and how short is it?

Thank you!

-Will in Waterford, MI


Dear Will,

For me, the length of typical scene is dependant upon location. If engaging in a private scene, go as long as you both want, as there are no restraints. Why watch a clock when it’s not necessary? At a public play party, however, I try to keep my scenes to about 35/45 minutes, as the play furniture is typically in high demand and no one likes a piggy! Short scening…ah yes…a handy thing when the time is right for it. Short scening is a phrase and process used for engaging in multiple scenes at an event, that are shorter in duration, in order to get more play time in, or more scenes. This is great for large or small events where there are many people you may want to play with and the event is only so long. These, for me, are more casual in attitude and laid back in terms of protocol.  A good method for those, “So many asses to beat, so little time… ‘, scenarios.  I know every person is different and may prefer otherwise, but my “short scene” time ipreference is usually around 10-15 minutes. Happy scening!

~M.M