The Fundamentals of BDSM: A Crash Course in Kink - by Starla Knight

Your eyes have settled here on this very page because you’re probably no stranger to the acronym or maybe you are & yet, it peaks your curious nature... just not enough for you to completely turn tail & run! I’m willing to bet there might even be a kinky curiosity that’s been brewing within you, Lovey. Perhaps a feeling of longing for something indescribable or the desire to know you’re not alone in your thoughts, desires & fantasies.

So, for this issue I thought a basic introduction into BDSM was needed. Let’s clear up those horrible misconceptions. Class is in session. …Be sure to take notes.

BDSM has definitely gotten a bad rap in certain media coverage. Even perpetuated as the 50 Shades of Grey bandwagon presents BDSM to the masses of mainstream, with its (mis)interpretation of the lifestyle, there are misunderstandings & misconceptions. It’s known to be labeled by some, as deviant, wrong, immoral, perverse or terrifying. But honey, I promise, it’s not! I can guarantee there’s something under that big, fun, sexy, exciting, BDSM umbrella for everyone who is willing & open to explore!

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism & Masochism. It is a popular? Yes, Lovies, BDSM is a popular adult lifestyle that is practiced by all kinds of people with varied sexualities, gender expression, ages, bodies, professions & religions. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all whips, chains, canes & pain! While all that CAN be and is a lot of fun, for the most experienced of players, at its essence, BDSM is an all encompassing umbrella of various erotic activities that include certain degrees of Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. These dynamics are explored by activities designed to target & elicit a physical and/or mental response.

 Frequency of BDSM participation ranges from a onetime thing, to casual play, to lifestyle dedication and everything in between!  BDSM is what you make it for yourself. There is no cookie cutter recipe. There are no specific rules to the journey that will be your own. It is safe, sane & consensual lifestyle choices that allow an individual a greater level of freedom of self & sexuality thru exploration of power, pleasure, desires & fantasies.

While I’ve got your attention, let me also explain the difference between Kinks & Fetishes...Kinks are something that is enjoyed in a sexual aspect, within interactions-dynamics of a sexual nature. A Fetish is a focus on gratification from objects or objectified parts of the body.

Ex: If you enjoy being lightly restrained with a scarf or having your hair pulled during sex, hot damn! You’ve got some new kinks! While you might have a fetish for wearing leather, fat bottomed girls, or even fat bottomed girls wearing leather!!!

Within the realm of BDSM, there are different types of play. Physical & Mental. These can be separated or combined for your own personal enjoyment. Physical play is not always sexual. It can be, however, it’s never required. It’s your journey, do what feels right for you.

Forms of physical play include; bondage or restraint, sensation & impact play.

*Sensation play is usually light restraints blindfolds & various sensations delivered, using ice cubes, feathers, candles, biting or pinching just to name a few.

*Impact play typically is body play with heavier play implements, such as, Floggers, paddles, straps, canes, whips, clothespins, etc...

*Mental play involves activities such as power exchanges, role play, exhibitionism, humiliation & degradation.

Degrees of play, or scenes, are as varied as the unique individuals who are playing & participating! Light play could be as simple as light bondage using scarves, casual spankings & light, easy role play. Heavier play consists of more intense activities like more restrictive bondage, flogging, paddling, strapping & caning. More extreme degrees of play include “edge” play, which incorporates elements considered to be dangerous such as Knife play, Fire play and Breath play.

Before you 50 Shades of Newbie Frenzy yourself, take a breath! Simmer down! The fun & excitement of Kink/BDSM, aren’t going anywhere! Prepare yourself properly. Give yourself time to identify what you’re interested in. What are your own known fetishes & kinks? What are you curious about? What would be some no-go’s or hard limits for your scenes or play? If you’re not sure, Google search BDSM checklists for ideas.  Keep in mind that your personal preferences can & will, evolve & change, just as you do. This is perfectly normal & expected, as there are so many different aspects of the lifestyle that you might never run out of things to explore & experiment!

One of the MOST important concepts within the lifestyle, is SAFETY FIRST! This means communicating with your chosen partner. Communicating openly & honestly, well before any play commences, helps to negotiate the scene by establishing the roles of the participants, discussing preferences, discussing expectations, boundaries, hard limits, physical limitations, possible triggers, safe words, non verbal signals & essential after-scene care needs.  Along with communication, other important elements include, Safe, Sane & Consensual play, (SSC) & Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK). Best practices are engaging in a scene with someone you know & trust to honor the stated limits.

To ensure you and your scene partners have the safest and best scenes possible, keep the following in mind...

*Avoid intoxicants-for obvious reasons. You wouldn’t fly with a drunk pilot, nor would you elect to have surgery with an intoxicated surgeon. Don’t play drunk! This leads to injuries and & pain of the unwanted & unintentional kind. If you drink & play, be a fucking adult & do so responsibly.

*Start your scenes slowly & build a gradual intensity, ensuring the comfort of scene partners.

*Wax Play requires the proper low melt temperature candles like paraffin. The wrong candles can burn skin so be sure to do your research!

*When engaged in a scene using bondage play, be sure to be aware of circulatory issues. If limbs start to fall asleep, or turn blue, immediately loosen the restraining material & work circulation back into affected areas.

*During impact play, strokes from heavier implements such as paddles, straps & canes should be administered on the muscle or meatier parts of the body to avoid injury.

*Aftercare is crucial at the end of a scene. This is where the emotional, psychological & physiological needs of the person who was the role of Bottom or Submissive are met, while they are experiencing the euphoric effects of sub space. Aftercare can also include; cuddling, hydrating, soothing or calming activities between the Top & Bottom, Dom/Domme & Sub. It’s a good idea to discuss what worked & what didn’t work in the scene, to ensure better future scenes. Communication is the key to success!

There you have it, my lovies! Of course, there is so much more to BDSM & Kink than what is mentioned here! There are countless online resources available to learn more! Don’t be scared! If you find this strikes a chord within you, go explore it! Pleasure is not perverse! The best life lived is one that is true to yourself! And as always I’d love to hear from you. Email me at starla.friction@gmail.com