Naughty News - July 2018 - Friction Staff

Trigger Happy

JUNE 14--A woman has been sentenced to two years in state prison on weapons and heroin possession charges after a loaded handgun was found hidden in her vagina at the time of her arrest last year, according to Illinois court records.

Anika Witt, 27, was sentenced last month after pleading guilty to felony charges as part of a plea agreement that required her to testify against a co-defendant in the case.

Witt has been jailed since last September and faced a maximum of ten years on the gun charge and 15 years for narcotics possession. While sentenced to two years in state prison, Witt was credited for time served for the eight months she spent in the McLean County lockup.

Witt and a male acquaintance were caught and taken into custody following a traffic stop on Interstate 55 just north of Bloomington. A search of their car turned up heroin and Ecstasy, according to the police.

Witt’s .380 caliber handgun was not discovered by investigators until police conducted a strip search while being booked into the county jail. A female corrections officer retrieved the loaded weapon from Witt’s vagina. The gun had a bullet in the chamber and its magazine was fully loaded, police say.

Illinois Department of Corrections records list Witt’s “projected discharge date” as September 7, 2019.

What a ‘Meth’

A man concerned that he had been scammed by a methamphetamine dealer contacted Florida police and asked them to test his drugs so that he could press charges against the dealer if he had been given the wrong narcotics, according to police.

On the afternoon of June 12th, Douglas Peter Kelly, 49, called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and told a deputy that he had a violent reaction after smoking a substance that he thought to be Speed. Kelly told cops that he was sure that said drug was actually Flakka, the notorious synthetic stimulant.

After speaking with police, Kelly drove to the sheriff’s office because he wanted to have the drug tested. Kelly provided cops with a piece of aluminum foil that contained a clear, crystal-like substance.

A test of the substance provided by Kelly resulted in a positive reaction for the presence of methamphetamine. Kelly was arrested after the testing on a felony narcotics possession charge.

Kelly was booked into the county jail, from which he was released the night of June 13th after posting $2500 bond.

Extreme Couponing

A customer allegedly attacked a Burger King worker who would not accept several coupons for Whopper sandwiches, according to a police report.

Police say Miguel Latorre, 23, tried to use his coupons at a Burger King in Largo, Florida on the afternoon of May 19th. Unfortunately, there was some kind of problem with Latorre’s coupons.

When Burger King worker Charlotte Price attempted to explain what the problem was, Latorre became enraged and frustrated by the Whopper coupon situation.

Latorre allegedly grabbed Price by the wrist and attempted to pull her over the counter. Then, a physical altercation ensued. Several witnesses observed Latorre’s coupon meltdown.

Latorre was charged with battery, booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. He was released from custody after a family member posted $500 bond.

Wet Bandit

A Colorado man is facing federal charges after he allegedly groped a female airline passenger and then urinated on the seat in front of him, according to the FBI.

Michael Allen Haag, 45, was traveling on the night of May 17th from Denver to Charleston, South Carolina on Frontier Airlines when he became unruly and disrupted the flight, according to investigators.

Haag was drinking double vodka and tonics aboard Flight F9864 when he told a woman seated next to him that he was traveling to South Carolina to meet with an old girlfriend and that he was excited about it. The woman said Haag pestered her with personal questions. She was wearing a tank top and shorts and Hagg would not stop staring at her chest and legs.

Haag began to touch a second woman seated on his other side, according to an FBI report by Agent Timothy Smith. After first touching the sleeping woman’s fingers, Haag allegedly touched the woman’s legs twice, causing her to yell “Stop touching me.” The woman then called out to a flight attendant, who moved Haag to a seat in the plane’s last row.

While in the rear of the aircraft, a third female passenger told the FBI that Haag removed his seatbelt and started urinating on the seat in front of him. The passenger snapped a photo of Haag  relieving himself. She then screamed for flight attendants, who responded by moving Haag to the front of the plane.

Upon landing in South Carolina, Haag was removed from the aircraft by officers with the Charleston Aviation Authority Police Department.

Haag was named Friday in a U.S. District Court complaint that accuses him of interfering with flight crew members and obscene or indecent exposure of genitals. He was released from custody on a $25,000 bond, which restricts his travel to South Carolina and Colorado and bars “excessive” alcohol use.

Young Gunner

A South Carolina man with a giant gun tattooed on his forehead has been charged with weapons possession after he was spotted disposing of a firearm following a car crash, according to police reports.

Michael Vines, 24, was arrested Saturday evening after crashing a Toyota Camry into a power pole near an intersection in Greenville. Firefighters who responded to the crash site reported that they saw Vines toss a handgun out of the window and into the grass.

Officers eventually recovered a loaded Smith & Wesson .38-caliber revolver from the area where Vines allegedly discarded the weapon.

Vines, a convicted felon, is barred from possessing a firearm. His mile long rap sheet includes multiple narcotics convictions.

In addition to a weapons count, Vines was also charged with reckless driving and driving with a suspended license due to the crash.