To Be Single, or Not to Be Single - by Starla Knight
Those “life” achievements that everyone automatically expects everyone else to complete at one time or another. But millennials seem to be tossing a few things on that invisible, yet all too tangible, checklist-of-life out the window. While many of those listed items are still ingrained to be achieved, like graduating high school and finding your way in your career, other more traditional goals have been recently challenged. To be single, or not single, that is the question.
Be it societal pressure from family or friends, or church, it seems that if you’re single, someone at any given moment is attempting to fix that. People start recommending someone they know in person, or know by proxy as a possible mate. Did you notice the word, “fix?”
Fix: Definition;(verb) 1. To repair, mend. 2. To put in order or in good condition; adjust or arrange. 3. To make fast, firm or stable. All of which would suggest, that if you do not currently have a SO, you are broken, or less than. If you’re single, you need mending and to be made stable.
Excuse me?
Well, thankfully, Millennials are perhaps a bit wiser than generations preceding when it comes to ridiculous social constructs with ancient intentions.
It’s not difficult to conclude that as people we’re greatly encouraged to locate and commit to a mate. The very survival of our species depended upon the procreation of two people who could work together to ensure the survival of their offspring, so that they too, could bring forth yet another generation of humans. Over time marriage became the qualifier to parenthood, and both men and women were given a range of negative adjectives if breeding was, for any reason, off the table. Because mortality rates were higher, people were greatly encouraged to have as many children as possible.
This helped to ensure the continuation of our species. And it worked. The social programming was a huge success. Without contemplating the “why”, humans agreed to the belief that we had not achieved life success unless we had a mate. The turn of the century brought on changes to the geographical location of populations, the economy, and family life. Perhaps having large families fell to the wayside as modern medicine began extending life expectancies, and more and more people lived in cities and didn’t need to breed for the prospective farm help. But the social expectation of finding a mate (and having children) has stayed strong throughout the centuries.
Millennials are the first generation to wait to tie the knot, or avoid tying it all together. Perhaps it’s the access to unfettered information with the development of technology? With divorce rates greater than 50% for a few decades now, perhaps Millenials are examining the constructs of marriage and abstaining from nuptials for logical reasons. Perhaps it’s the dwindling numbers of millennials practicing organized religion? With fewer people following ancient dogma, clearer vision of current social issues (such as overpopulation), more and more millennials don’t want to procreate, and thus the reason for marriage for some has waned. Perhaps it has more to do with the awareness that they don’t have to settle into relationships that don’t truly make them happy, because of some fabricated life expectation?
No matter the reason, Millennials are walking down the aisle less and less. And there are a number of fantastic reasons why more and more people are choosing to stay single. So let’s shed those negative stigmas and review some of the fantastic reasons why choosing to be single can be a good thing.
Not having to run anything by another person. Ever. Remember when we were kids, and we couldn’t wait to be adults so we could do what we wanted, without question. We would be our own boss. Then we throw it all away to get our decisions verified by a SO. If you’re single, you don’t have this burden. Do what you want. Always.
Less drama. When it’s just you, there isn’t anyone to give an attitude, or get upset, because you chose or did, whatever. If you want to take a nap, then there is no one to get upset about the dishes that need to be put away, you’ll gladly get to it later. If you feel like zoning out and not talking or interacting with someone else, then you don’t have to worry about someone else thinking that something is wrong when you’re quiet. Unless you like getting upset with yourself, but even then it’s still less drama.
Freedom to go wherever, whenever. You get to do what you want, exactly when you want to do it. No checking with someone else to see if they are “okay” with it. Hang out with friends. Go. Get drinks at the bar. Go. Join a Saturday bowling league. Go. True freedom to be whom you want to be, every moment of the day.
Avoiding more awkward situations. Being single means that you don’t have to be around your SOs family and friends. You get to skip those awkward holiday or birthday gatherings with people who aren’t really your people. That weird uncle your SO adores but rubs you the wrong way. Nope, none of that. You don’t have to pretend to like anyone. You are not guilted into adding your SOs people into your circle. Your circle is still your circle.
Spending/Saving your money. When you’re single you’ve got just you to worry about, just you to plan for, just you to spend on. This makes creating and sticking to a budget a lot easier. No SO to plan a devoted birthday or holiday gift for. No trivial Valentines or Sweetest Day spending. Nope, your money is your money to do what you want with.
More free time for you. No having to explain a work day you wish you could put behind you. Not having to talk, period. Not having to listen about someone else’s shitty day. Getting to watch what you want on the television. Getting to listen to exactly what you want to listen to in the vehicle. Not having to wait for someone else to finish getting ready before you can leave. No one rushing you to get ready. No waiting for the bathroom. All those moments of you not having to wait for/with a SO add up to more free time to be doing whatever it is you want.
Some may look at all those reasons and infer some sort of selfishness on the part of the single person. Yet, is it selfish? Being honest with ones self and others isn’t selfish. Others may not agree with your single status, but honesty about your current status doesn’t make you selfish. Not settling for another simply for the sake for not being alone isn’t selfish, in fact it’s the exact opposite of selfish.
So, Huzzah!, to the millennials who seemed to have, at least, cracked the stigma of being single. Certainly the social constructs that expect everyone to be in a relationship won’t dissolve over night. We’re talking about thousands of years of brainwashing our culture to relationship-ism. I’m sure millennials still get asked those dreaded relationship questions at holiday and work functions. But they’ve been the bravest generation thus far to debunk the need for a mate. Man or woman, being single is a personal, pro independence choice.
A greater number of millennials who have entered into relationships have agreed to do so with a lot more freedoms and less restrictions than previous generations. More millennial couples have separate bank accounts and handle their own finances independently. More millennial couples have open relationships (where both parties are allowed to seek and have relations other than with their SO) than any other generation before it. Millennials seem to be cherry picking the best of both worlds, the committed and the single life, and making it work best for them.
(While I am all for people living the lifestyle that they want, open relationships and multiple partners included, I cannot stress enough the importance of playing safe. The CDC reports a significant increase in STD’s case numbers. Do what you want. Have fun. Just protect yourself, and others)
Most importantly, don’t be ashamed of being single. There is nothing wrong with you. Enjoy your freedom for as long as you want.
As always I’d like to know what my readers think? Are there other added benefits to being single that I didn’t mention? Let me know. (No, I don’t need to know the benefits of being in a relationship, we all know them already. ;-)
Email me at starla.friction@gmail.com
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