Pleasure Talk With Amber - November 2017 - by Amber Jones

As the year 2017 seems to be winding down rapidly, I cannot help but to sit back and reflect on the year. The trends, controversies, even the hurricanes that swept through parts of the US and Puerto Rico. But even with all of these things that have taken place and caused us to scratch our heads and say hmmmmmmmm, one of the most mind-boggling things that I have not been able to fully comprehend is the “side piece” trend, it seems to be an obsession that may never go out of style.
I referred to it as a trend but we all know that side pieces have been around for generations. The reality is that the side pieces are simply just tired of being hidden and that is why so many have decided to come out of the woodworks. They feel equally as significant as the main piece(s) and feel that they are entitled to a certain type of treatment. It’s that very sense of entitlement that gives them, male or female, more ammunition and pride, which makes them feel comfortable enough to brag, and taunt others about sleeping with their man, woman, husband, or wife.

You can only imagine how often this topic has come up with me and others, and some of the perspectives that the people I have spoken with have. It would blow your mind! I have heard from both men and women who proudly advertise and are very adamant about the fact that they will not date a person if they are single. But the reason behind their preference is simple; they believe when the other individual has a significant other at home, they are not always available to bother them with texts, calls, etc. Out of 12 men I had this conversation with, one of the top reasons they preferred to date married women or women who are in relationships was because expectations are not as high. Meaning, they could have their cake and eat it too without having to put too much effort or energy into the situation. They emphasized that when boundaries are set, they are more likely to stay within the limits set. This results in less drama and issues if all parts are played accordingly.

While on the other end, women who tend to step out on their significant other do so for much more intimate reasons and not just sexually! Us women have the ability to stay and endure so much bullshit ranging from lack of attention, horrible sex, no sex, cheating, laziness, selfishness, cheating, hell, the list can go on and on and on and still, we will be all about our men and willing to keep trying. We will give chance after chance, explain until we are blue in the face, only for them to think we will never leave. But little do they know, as time passes and the same crap continues we are pulling further and further away. But what is it that we are pulling further away from them? Our emotions! When those emotions begin to detach, men you better get ready to exit stage left, because that just means she has confided in someone else that is giving her the emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, or financial support she is needing. Hell, you never know they may be giving her all of the above. Now, don’t get me wrong, similar situations can definitely apply for men being the patient one’s, but that scenario is not as common.

Simple conversation proves that both men and women cheat but the reasons why they cheat are usually on totally different ends of the spectrum. With that being said I have to admit I have always wondered if it is possible to be 100% faithful in a relationship, and if not, at what point do you walk away in the event that your significant other steps out on you?

See for me. I was always the one who said that the minute I find out that my man is cheating on me, I’m leaving. I would pull the whole “I know my worth card”, even would throw out there “that bitch can have him if she can get him.” But in reality, it was easier to say that, because I hadn’t actually been put in that actual situation before.

As of today, to my knowledge, I can be honest and say that I have not experienced being cheated on in my current relationship of almost three years and if I had, I cannot say that I wouldn’t stay. See I’m a realist, and live by it daily, so if I cannot be honest with myself, how can I be honest with anyone else? And my honest answer is, if he ever cheated and I found out I can’t say with 100% faith that I would leave him. I can hear the gasps, but that is the honest truth. Relationships, well, real relationships have ups and downs, good moments and bad moments, arguments, and fights. But when the love is real, and the love is genuine you fight for it. No, you never stay in a situation where you are being abused in any type of way, or the love for yourself is being compromised. But when you have invested time, energy, love, amongst other things you have to know that it may be worth fighting for. Relationships are not all about sex and fantasy, there is a time and place for that and it is vital that we are able to separate the two, but what is even more important than knowing the difference is being honest with yourself about that relation/situationship.

In life, love, and situationships there are levels. The best way to keep drama out of your situation is knowing how to differentiate between those different levels of relationships and being honest with yourself. Don’t be so quick to call it quits if you know you’re not going to stay away and if it’s just a place to play, just play and that will help keep the stress away! Until next month when we dare to go there again, stay sweet, stay real, and be sexy.

Signing off your Pleasure Coach/Love Expert,
- Amber Jones