Naughty News for May 2017 - by Bubbles

Navy Seal by Day, Porn Star by Night

California: Chief Special Warfare Officer Joseph Schmidt III is in hot water after the Naval Special Warfare Command found out he was moonlighting for the porn industry. SEALs spokesman, Capt. Jason Salata, told CBS, “There are very clear regulations which govern outside employment as well as prohibitions on behavior that is discrediting to the service.” Superiors are trying to determine if Schmidt had obtained permission from his commanders for his side work. The Officer has spent 23 years in the military with numerous medals and accolades. He has even been the face of the SEAL program on their website. For the past 8 years, he has also starred in over 29 adult films with his porn star wife, Jewels Jade. Though Schmidt declined to comment, his wife told news outlets that commanders in his unit knew of his work. She claims he was called in and told, ‘Look, keep it on the low, don’t mention the SEAL name and blah, blah, blah.’ Previously the military has disciplined members that have been involved in indelicate projects, but so far it is unclear if Schmidt will be reprimanded for his outside job.

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Happy Vaginas

New York: Being eco-friendly and organic is all the rage these days. From yoga to health food markets, people are flocking to the newest natural wellness trends. One of the oldest, but reemerging, trends are healing crystals. There are many types of crystals, each with different healing properties associated with them. Though many of those who believe in the power of the rocks choose to use these crystals as decorative pieces or jewelry,

Vanessa Cuccia came up with an entirely new use for them. Cuccia is the creator of Chakrubs, a company dedicated to making sex toys, mostly dildos, out of different healing crystals. The handmade pleasure objects are made from precious minerals like rose quartz and pure amethyst. Cuccia told Pop Sugar that she started the company to ‘explore her own sensuality in a new way.’
“I wanted something that would allow me to tune in, to turn on, and crystals were a natural choice,” Cuccia explained. “There was nothing like Chakrubs in the market, so I decided to go forward with creating something that I wanted for myself, trusting that other people would want it as well.”

The company’s testimonial page is full of reviews claiming the products have helped them tremendously. Whether there is any real healing power in the crystals is up to the user, but Cuccia believes using the products ‘combines sexuality and spirituality, resulting in an overall increase in self-love.’

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Another Naked Kardashian 

For the last week Kim, Kourtney, and close friends have been living it up in Punta Mita. Kim has been documenting the experience with her snap chat. One of the shared videos shows a naked Kourtney in a shallow pool at the resort. The video is a distance away from the reality TV starlet, but there’s no question she’s missing her swimsuit. Clearly the older Kardashian sister was enjoying her nudity as she was described doing “naked cartwheels all night”. Other photos of the week, taken by Kim, include inflatable penis toys, nipple clamps, and Kourtney’s “thong covered” bum (which Kourt promptly posted on her Instagram). The sisters and their five friends have been having the time of their lives with no hint of when they might be heading back to the states, enjoying their girl time for as long as possible.



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A New Kind of Unicorn

From internet memes to clothing prints,unicorns have been everywhere lately. Just when we thought there was nothing else to be done with the mythical creature, Sarah Morningstar shows up to introduce a completely new unicorn style. The Peen-i-corn. Morningstar is an artist and sculptor from Austin, Texas who created a pair of bright turquoise leggings featuring her new design. The Peen-i-corn combines the worldwide love of unicorns with a “perky pink dick”. For the low price of $49, you could own your very own pair of magical penis pants. Morningstar describes her work as “Lisa Frank on Crack” and claims she was inspired to create the “adult” version of unicorn wallpaper she had growing up. She told Cosmo, “With everything heavy that’s happening right now, the human spirit needs a break, a chance to remind us of what’s so awesome about life. So, unicorn everything? Hell yeah, bring it on. And that includes how magical a good peen can be.” Her next venture includes a penis mermaid to be released later in the year.


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Shot Stripper Gets Compensation

LeAndra Lewis, a stripper from South Carolina, was working at the Boom Boom Room Studio 54 as an adult dancer in when she was struck in the abdomen by a stray bullet. Lewis lost a kidney as a result of internal complications from the injury. On top of the wound, Lewis had to fight for workers’ compensation from the club. The club tried to claim the dancer was a contract worker and not on the books as an employee so they were not responsible for paying her. After nearly 10 years the Supreme Court has finally ruled in Lewis’ favor. The court found that the club chose the dance music, required her to perform for certain customers, and would threaten to fine her if she left early, making her an employee. A new hearing for the amount of monetary benefits she will receive has also been ordered by the court. Earlier the Workers’ Compensation Commission had determined Lewis was entitled to $75 a week, but court justices could not find the reasoning for choosing that amount. They stated they were not claiming the benefits were unfair, but that the order was “was devoid of any specific and detailed findings of fact to substantiate the award.” While she is still waiting on her compensation, she has finally gained a victory in her fight. The new hearing for benefits will be set at a later date.